


Never Wanna Close My Eyes

by brokenhighways



Series: The Thrill [6]
Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: M/M, New Year's Eve, Prequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 04:17:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13263522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: Zero can't believe that he's playing Monopoly on New Year's Eve instead of doing body shots off a Hooters’ server. Yet, that's exactly what he's doing.





	Never Wanna Close My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't get around to writing another Zude fic last year, so here's a little something. Happy New Year!

Zero can't believe that he's playing _Monopoly_ on New Year's Eve instead of doing body shots off a Hooters’ server. Yet, that's exactly what he's doing. The only thing that comes close to his past activities around this time of year is not landing in jail.

“We don't really need to throw another disastrous party,” Jude pointed out when Zero suggested one. It's not that he necessarily _wanted_ a party, he just heard Derek was throwing one and wanted to one-up him. After all, he has a reputation to uphold

“And the food at the Playground is still terrible,” Clive griped when Zero suggested they go to the team's party. Terrible food aside, he regretted bringing it up when he remembered Oscar would be there.

In the end he gives in and tries not to grimace every time one of Clive's kids tries to trample all over his couch. Luckily, they've since been put to bed and the oldest is at a friend's party.

He doesn't even threaten the preppy guy Laura brought over and simply introduced as _Evan._

He's cool, calm and collected (for the most part).

“Did my sister tell you she was bringing a guy over?” he asks Jude when they venture into the kitchen to grab more refreshments. “I don't think I like him.”

Jude narrows his eyes. “He's been here for less than twenty-five minutes. You barely know what he _sounds_ like.”

Zero decides to keep his future background check plans to himself. Jude's an only child so maybe he doesn't get it; the protective urge that Zero doesn't really understand himself. All he knows is this guy better be an upgrade on the last guy she dated.

“Come on, let's go back in,” Jude says, while he balances two trays with his hands. “I'm pretty sure that Clive is cheating.”

Zero snorts. “He couldn't cheat his way out of a paper bag. His wife is the one you have to look out for.”

They head back in and take their places around the table, but end up putting the game on hold anyway because Clive needs a snack break.

“Was the fancy dinner I paid for not enough for you?” Zero asks him. “I should have gotten you the world's largest drumstick for Christmas.”

Clive wrinkles his nose. “This _is_ America. What you speak of may actually be a thing.”

“Can we not talk about the stuff they put in food?” Clive's wife, Zara, interjects. “I don't have it in me to become a vegan.”

Laura rolls the dice before she adds her two cents. “You can always become a vegetarian.”

“I tried that for a year,” Zara says. “And then I got drunk and woke up to a half-eaten cheeseburger.”

Laura starts to tell a story about a similar experience and he tunes out. He looks over at Jude and makes a stupid face for a lack of anything better to do. Jude smiles at him briefly before he turns his attention back to the board when Clive is ready to play again.

Zero's not a big fan of Monopoly, so he lets Jude take the rest his turns while he messes around on his phone. His Instagram feed is full of people posting their New Year's Eve pictures and he wonders if he'd rather be doing that. Drinking, partying and having a good time with a bunch of perfect strangers.

Having an unstable home life meant that he never saw the point of staying in. Every holiday was an excuse to go out and have a good time because that's what he did either way. He lost himself in alcohol, pounding music, writhing bodies and more hangovers than he could count.

Now he's wondering if people will judge him for keeping things low key, or why it's so hard to admit that he's actually _enjoying_ the quiet evening.

“Are you okay?” Jude's concerned voice cuts into his thoughts. There's a knowing look on his face, the kind that'll see through whatever bullshit answer Zero gives. It's always surprising just how easily Jude gets him, the way he picks up on his moods and knows when something's amiss.

That in itself turns Zero's worries from a messy slant into a still line. A thrum of thoughts quietly humming away in the background.

“I'm good.”

It's the truth, although, he leaves out the part where he's unsure if he actually _deserves_ to good.

Jude doesn't seem convinced, but he drops it and goes back to the game.

~

A few hours later, Clive, Zara and the kids are watching the television and doing their best to stay awake for the countdown while Evan is still giving off some serious _I am unworthy_ vibes. Jude's in the middle of talking to Laura about some show they've been watching but Zero doesn't join the conversation.

His head’s still scrambled and he's over thinking every thought to the extent that he has a headache.

Eventually, he excuses himself and tries to give his brain some much needed peace.

Laura finds him in his makeshift den a short time later. Evan isn't with her which is a shame. He would like to interrogate the guy without Jude in the background being all reasonable and shit.

“Where's your boyfriend?” he asks her instantly, raising his eyebrows when she rolls her eyes.

Laura laughs. “Evan is just a friend. Trust me. He's not my type. At all. He's far too put together.”

Zero's starting to wonder if the ability to attract trouble is genetic. “You say that like it's a bad thing.”

“Look, I didn't come here to talk about me. What's up with you? You're not still pouting because we didn't let you throw a party?”

Zero shakes his head. “No. I'm just...Reflecting. I'm not used to things being good. Or having _family_ to spend the holidays with. It's nice. Great.”

Laura folds her arms and presses her lips together as if to say ‘ _and?’._

“On the other hand... it's overwhelming. I can't reconcile this version of myself with who I've been since I was a kid. What if I screw everything up? What if I make a huge mistake and end up miserable and alone?”

That's his biggest fear.

It always has been. The idea of being with someone was never appealing, not when there were a million ways it could go wrong. It's kind of frustrating to know the fear never goes away. Everyday he wakes up and thinks _what if I don't have this tomorrow?_

“You're not going to.” Laura's tone is confident but Zero remains unconvinced.

He digs his foot into the plush carpet and says, “How do you know?”

“Because you can't afford to, Gideon, not with what I've been hearing about Oscar.”

Zero cranes his neck back in an attempt to take a better look at her. There's a serious look on her face and her shoulders low like she's trying to make herself seem smaller.

“What did you hear?”

Laura steps in closely, her voice practically a whisper when she says, “He's being investigated over the death of a dancer. I think she used to work for the team?”

It takes Zero a while to remember, but it comes to him in fits and starts. Just a few days after he joined the team he was dragged along to the funeral of one of the dancers. It's somewhere in the top ten of his weirdest experiences.

“You're joking, right?”

He already knows that she's not, definitely knows that if anyone is capable of murder it's Oscar. They've all heard the stories.

Jude, though…this is _still_ his father and if he's being honest, he knows Jude's still got a fleeting attachment to Oscar. This is going to _crush_ him.

“We can't say anything to Jude,” he says quietly. “At all.”

Laura shrugs nonchalantly, but her eyes give her away. There's concern there along with the guilt that's already kicking into gear in Zero's mind.

“I only know because Evan's uncle works with the police department. Oscar has a lot of friends in high places. It might be swept under the rug for all we know.”

“So why tell me?”

“I needed to tell _someone,_ ” she says, her hands flying up to show her exasperation. “That and I think you need to just give yourself a chance to be happy while you can. Now that I'm thinking about it, telling you that your future father-in-law might be a murderer was a _really_ bad way to make my point.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Zero snaps. He glanced at his watch; it's eleven fifty-three pm. There's a small creaking noise in the background, but when he looks up he doesn't see anything.

“Look, if it wasn't this, it would be something else. Just fucking be _happy_ and don't over think it while things are good. That's my point.”

Even with the huge bombshell she needlessly dropped, Laura's right. What good is it for Zero to be stressing over something _good_ when there's no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring. Or the week after that.

He loves Jude, knows he's loved back in equal measure.

That's all that matters right _now_.

“Fine,” he says. “Thanks. We should go back downstairs before Jude comes to find us.”

Zero can tell that his voice probably sounds off but he's not happy with her at the moment; he doesn't see the need to pretend.

They share a brief look but she doesn't argue.

~

When the clock finally chimes midnight, Zero's not sure he's ready to leave the past year behind. He's spent the evening so worried about what lies ahead that he never stopped to consider that life goes on irrespective of whatever mistakes he makes or thinks he _might_ make.

There are other people who have the power to screw everything up for him.

Now that Oscar may have trouble heading his way, Zero wishes he could press _pause_ and bask in a time when everything is good.

“Happy New Year,” Jude murmurs in his ear amidst the loud cheering and sound of the fireworks coming from the TV.

Zero reaches out and takes Jude hand, squeezing it gently as he says, “You too.”

 _To be continued_...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
